SOME JOKES. Here are some jokes from O.T.M. I hope you will have some fun with it. ------------------------------------------------------------ - Why didn't they make stamps on Saddam Houssein? - Because everybody would spit on the wrong side! How many times does a Belgian laugh on a Dutch joke? 3 times: 1. When they hear the joke. 2. When the joke is explained 3. When the Belgian understands the joke. Why is an belgian ambulance 14 meters long? 1 metre for the engine. 1 metre for the driver. 1 metre for the doctor. 1 metre for the patient. 10 metres for the choir: Taaa Tuuuu Taaaaaa Tuuuu -- 14 metres What is the main difference between a cow and an Belgian? The cow looks smarter. "Don't worry" says the patient to the psychiatrist: "I will pay all your bills, They don't call me for nothing Napoleon." A man stands on the Eiffel-tower. When another man arrives he jumps. When he comes on the ground, he stands up and walks again to the top of the tower. The other man asks: "How did you do that, isn't that impossible?" "No" says the man: "Nothing is impossible as long as you believe in yourself. Try it, it won't hurt, just jump and think: when I come on the ground I will do it again." "Okay" says the other man and jumps. When he comes on the ground he dies with a terrible mess. Suddenly a voice comes out of the sky: "Jesus stop playing those stupid games." Why don' t you see Belgians play soccer on television? They are affraid that they miss the goals in the replay. What is the difference between a truck and a feather? You don't know? What kind of school do you attend to? But seriously folks What is the difference between a truck and a feather? Go and lay unther them, then you will know the difference. In a hospital a man is walking nervous up and down the hall. His wife is having a baby. Suddenly the docter comes out of the room and says: "I am sorry mister, but your baby is born dead." The man starts crying, and walks into the room. He picks up the baby, and throws it with a loud bang to the wall, after that he jumps on the baby, when the docter comes running in, "But mister don't you like a joke?" Why don't Belgians throw balls in the air? There affraid that the will miss. A man in a restaurant: "Waiter, what is this fly doing on my icecream?" -"It looks to me", says the waiter,"that it is skating." A man in an coffee-bar:" This coffee is old." The man behind the bar:" Yeah that is right, it is coffee from yesterday." The man again: " I want coffee that is made today." The man behind the bar:" then you have to come tomorrow." A militairy docter is checking a man, before he can be an soldier. Says the doctor: "What do you want to become in the army?" Says the man: " I want to be a general." The doctor:" What, are you nuts?" The man: "No, must you be?" --------------------------------------------------------------- A small riddle here. How can you let a lamer think? You don't know? : 36 ---------------------------------------------------------------- " Who painted my white horse black? " shouts cowboy Billy into the saloon. A very big man stands up and says:"I did." Cowboy Billy:" I just wanted to say that the paint is dry " How can you see that your house has been robbed by Turkish-men? The dog is raiped, and the dust-bins are empty. Two suckers are playing Hide and Seek. Says one of the suckers "If you hide in the toilet, I'll probably can't find you." So the other sucker goes into the toilet. And the first sucker is searching the other for more than an our. At last he goes to the toilet, and says: "Come out of that toilet, I can not find you." A man goes to heaven, at the doors in front of heaven he meets Petrus. Petrus: "Before I can let you go into heaven, I must know with how many women you have shared your bed." The man: "With three." Petrus: " You are a good man, therefor I will give you an Ferrari Testarossa." In a bar in heaven the man meets another man who has an BMW. The man asks the other man:" With how many women have you shared your bed?" The other man says:" With 12." At that moment, the pope comes on his roller-skates. Little John comes running into the house. He asks his mother: "Where do I come from?" His mother starts telling him everything about the birds and the bees, and how he has been born. After a while John says: "That is strange Peter says that he comes from London." Why is the dog people's best friend? Because he never asks for money.... Why don't let rich people dry their hands in the sun? Because they can't reach them. (:>) (:>) (:>) (:>) (:>) (:>) (:>) (<:) (<:) (<:) (<:) (<:) (<:) I hope you have had some fun with it, because I had a lot of trouble transforming the dutch jokes I knew into (good readable) english. Text by O.T.M.